I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
