You surviving the open bar?
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and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
