i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize