she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
