my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
