i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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