I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
