You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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