That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
