Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
