U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
