What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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