there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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