Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
