If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
