stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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