i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
