I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
