My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
