she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
