Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
