Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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