Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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