I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
