Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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