did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
