How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
