Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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