This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
