Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
