She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
