yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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