My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
