so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish you could order shots online.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
