So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
