My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
