I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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