I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
