Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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