Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
are you so shy because you have an std?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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