I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
