I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she told me i tasted like america
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
