And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
