it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
