I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
