i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
