she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
lets start a swedish sibling band together
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
