He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
