i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
