I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
