my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
