If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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